Plateauing out of College

So, I’m fresh out of college, and I’m going to join a job soon. Actually, I’d already left college in December because this last semester was an internship, but it was part of the curriculum. At the time I left, I felt a sort of liberation one would feel after a lecture that lasted an extra ten minutes longer, eating into your lunch break. It felt great, and I was glad to leave the place.

I came back home to stay with my parents during the internship. My room, my house, my parents, everything felt great to have back in my life except a few difficulties adjusting here and there. Some difficulties are still around, and I haven’t gotten completely into the stay-with-parents bit yet, but I’m working towards it.

Usually, when a big change happens in my life, I subconsciously prepare myself for it, and as the time gets closer, I draw my attention towards how things are going to change. This way it doesn’t turn into a fiasco, and everything goes smoothly by. It happened that way when we shifted houses, when I finished school, etc.

To be honest, college wasn’t a smooth ride. There were good days and bad days. Good friends, and friends who’ve become strangers. That happens to everyone, doesn’t it. My longest getting-outta-here transition was for college. I’d say it lasted for more than a year, which meant that midway into my 3-1 (halfway through college life) I was preparing to leave.

Unusually, my process was halted by unforeseen circumstances. In the last one year of college, I’d gone out of my comfort zone and stopped caring what other people thought, leading me to meet so many individuals I wouldn’t have otherwise met. They’ve added tremendous value to my last year at campus, thereby prohibiting me from wanting to leave it. But soon everyone departed, and I came to the realization that without the people I knew, college could never be the same.

Most of them had already left a whole semester before me, and that one semester really did test my patience. I ended up concentrating more on getting out of there than on leaving everything behind with a balanced mindset. Since this year started, little by little, I’ve become more attached to the memories from good times. Most of all, I’m starting to look back at what were considered mediocre habits and ways of life as precious opportunities made use of absentmindedly.

Being able to skip classes and step out of the campus for lunch, taking walks that lasted hours into the night till in-time, strolling over to Amul for an ice-cream on a whim, gazing up at the stars shining like scarce tiny lights scattered across the night sky. These memories were made all the better with the company I had around me. That’s what I miss most about college life. The sky wasn’t the clearest, but in the city you can barely see stars at all. Sure you could just go to the neighborhood shop and buy an ice-cream, but that atmosphere, that sense of being a part of something greater cannot be replicated.

I try not to get carried away by memories, it takes up too much time and energy to get back to my present life after it, but it gets to me sometimes. Good or bad, its all in the past, and I’m glad to say its not an experience I would switch for anything else. The largest fear I hold is that of forgetting something I’ve experienced that has had an impact on me. Irrespective, the impact still lives inside me, making me who I am.

I expect these feeling to grow stronger and creep up more often until I’m sick of them, or I find something that takes up more of my time than random thoughts. One must always look forward to what the future has in store!

After College

Today is 1st May. Its the day of the year that everyone at college both dreads and waits for. Its the day our semester exams start, which means its the end of another semester. Unlike the first semester of the year, this second one lasts only four months, followed by two months of vacation time.

This year is different from the others. Its my last year in college, and boy am I glad its getting over! The last four years have been something of a roller-coaster ride. It wasn’t nearly what I imagined it would be going in. I was expecting to get to know and be friends with a large number of people, learning about the world, and hopefully finding a place I’d fit in. I was so excited to be starting a new chapter of my life.

At the end of these four years, I can say that college life is more than a bit overrated (at least in India). Here are some reasons why:

  1. You know how in movies there are these groups of people who keep to themselves, being together all the time, not interacting with the rest of the world because they don’t want to/aren’t comfortable doing it? That is the truest thing about college. There are more groups like that than you can count. I was surprised to see that so many people just stuck to the friends they already knew, maybe from school, or their neighborhood. I only thought things like that happen with people who go settle in a new country, and have a difficult time fitting in with the rest of the students. Its really sad that so many people miss out on learning about others just because they are too comfortable with the people they are with already – IN THEIR OWN COUNTRY. You don’t have to be my friend. You don’t even have to like me. But you do need to give me a chance at being your friend.
  2. I was going through a really tough time nearing the end of second year (mid-college-life crisis?). There was this one guy I liked who subjected me to emotional abuse, and I repeatedly went after him, regardless. I don’t know why I did, but eventually I understood that he wasn’t adding any value to my life, so I did my best to remove him from it. Unfortunately we shared many of the same friends – truthfully, I just tried befriending them because they were his friends in the first place. I wasn’t very open about what I had been through, and not many of my ‘friends’ knew that anything had happened at all. After the final fall-out, I noticed that fewer and fewer people talked to me, eventually avoiding me altogether leaving me with maybe a handful of people I could trust. This was when I figured out who my real friends were, and they are still with me to this day.
  3. I had really hoped to find this perfect sort of guy I’d made up in my head. I’ve had crushes throughout my entire college life, and had a few almost-relationships that I got out of before they got serious. Nothing clicked, and no one matched my expectations, especially the people I was seeing. So this is a lesson for all you young 17-year-olds joining college next year – Don’t go there with the hope of finding love. There are tons of movies drilling this kind of thought into our heads. Yes, it’s true that some people do find the love of their life at college. SOME PEOPLE. Not all. Its a very small chance for anybody. Try not to get your hopes up.
  4. When you think about experiencing life, what do you think? Getting to meet different people, talk to them, traveling to new places, checking out new environments, stuff like that? I don’t know about you, but that pretty much sums up experiencing life for me. Of course, you know, its college, and you stay on campus just like everyone else, and hang out with people till 6 in the morning, your parents aren’t around to tell you to go to sleep, or do anything for that matter. That is something that college has let me experience. The traveling to new places bit didn’t happen, except for one trip in second year, which didn’t really add up to anything. I did meet tons of new people, but surprisingly, they lacked individuality, and again, thought their group was bigger than themselves. It’s really sad. But through this, I did learn to find my own individuality, and figured out what made me me.

I’m sure there are tons of things I didn’t cover in this post. Also, there are so many positive experiences in college life, but these are some things that people don’t know/think about when they join college. I would love to help out someone who’s having a tough time with it, if I can. All the best!

Teenage Life

Why don’t they understand that I’m not seven years old anymore. That I need to be left alone sometimes. That I can make some decisions on my own. They don’t get that I can’t talk to them about everything that happens to me, because they get overly involved and annoy me over the littlest things. Why don’t they let me stay up to finish a book I really want to read – insisting on binding me to a bedtime. Why don’t they understand that I don’t have to stick to my textbooks 24*7 to get a decent grade in a test.

Why don’t they take the hint that my mood swings aren’t because I’m going into depression, or that I am not satisfied with the atmosphere they created for me. Why do they tell me that I’ve been acting strange for the past few weeks, even though I’d been as normal as I could have possibly been. Why do they try to enforce their thinking on me. Why do they get upset if I don’t pick up two calls in a row, ten minutes apart. Why do they tell me that I’m not going to make anything out of my life if I still watch cartoons. Why do they think that watching cartoons is all I do?

Why don’t they understand that I need a break once in a while. Why do they keep nagging me to go study. That I wake up early, even though I couldn’t sleep at all for three nights in a row. Why do they tell me I’m wasting my time on doing something – when that something is really the only thing in the world I want to do at that moment. Why don’t they let me love the things that I love.

Why do they get upset over me not wanting to watch a movie I hate with them, then say I don’t spend time with them anymore. Why don’t they think for a second that I don’t enjoy doing everything they do? That instead, they haven’t really tried doing something I loved with me. That I have my own interests – which they seem to think are a waste of time. Why do they harshly criticize my music choices, when I keep shut even though I could say the same about theirs.

Why don’t they understand that I don’t need to be treated like a baby anymore. That I have developed my own likes and dislikes, and not everything overlaps with their opinion.Why do they think I’m pushing them away, when I really just don’t have anything to say. Why don’t they see that some days I’m just no good to do anything. That I need to sit in a corner and think things over.

That I care about them more than they could imagine. That I can’t bear it when they so much as get a paper-cut. Why don’t they understand that sometimes I don’t want to talk to them when I’m angry because I might take my anger out on them. That I’d seen those movies with them before just to keep them company.

Why don’t they get that I share the most important parts of my life with them. That they are the only real support that I have. That all I really need is their happiness. Why don’t they perceive how much I truly value the effort and patience they put into making me the person I am. That I owe them everything I have. That I would be good for nothing without them. That I can’t always tell them how proud I feel to be their child.

That I love them more than anything.

Yours To Keep – Written For The Departing Souls

I was vexed in my own thoughts
Felt like I’d dealt with lots
Didn’t keep an open mind
And led myself to be blind

Then this extraordinary event
Changed just what life meant
To me in these past years
(I loath the time that nears!)

It wasn’t that long ago
When I didn’t even know
What your name even was
Utterly ridiculous!

Though ashamed I must admit
That your faces didn’t click
To my useless memory bank
To this thought my heart sank

I cannot believe it still
That I did not see until
Fate gave me that one chance
I was caught in your trance –

I met you that fateful day
And the truth I must say
That prior to this event
I didn’t know what life meant

We had a friendly chat
Who would have known that that
Would change our lives forever
What a great endeavor!

That day is all I need
To forever remain freed
Of this lowly, sad world
As it’s always grimly twirled

That day was an unseen start
To something fine that set apart
Your face from all the rest
For this I’m greatly blessed

I thank you most of all
It has been such a ball
To know that you and me
Will in touch evermore be

It is mostly because of you
That everything I thought I knew
Has now clearly been confirmed
So transparently termed!

It’s just that all I had
Till that day was a sad
Reminder of everything adverse
Now time has been reversed!

I now have more clarity
On what life should be
You have entered with a “BANG!”
To this my spirit sang

I cannot express the glee
Of every single time I see
You when I walk the street
Or politely exchange a greet

All the little times count
And build to a huge amount
I’ve been Renewed and Inspired
Of this I’ll never grow tired

What of life when you are gone?
Far as I know, there’s not one
Who can fill the vast abyss
These days I’ll surely miss!

You changed the way I think
In what seems to be a blink
I owe you so much more
Than this lousy boring lore

So short a time it’s been
I’ve been saved from the sin
Of going through life without
Knowing you were about!

In these recent years of gloom
There was this untouched room
That lay within my heart
A distinctly empty part

I want you to eternally know
That where ever you may go
This space is yours to keep
This space is yours to keep

BPHC – First Year Of College Life, 2k12

This journey has now begun
Beneath the friendly warm sun
I long to see what lies ahead
I’m sure there’s nothing i will dread

Where have I come?
‘College’, say some
But if you ask me
It’s not as I see

Hey! There’s another like me
New here too, and ready to see
What future patiently awaits
Our unsuspecting fates

“Vote for me this election”
Strangers asked with cold intention
Campaigning lasted for hours
My patience it devours

How did I get here?
Is this that place dear,
That people miss for the rest of their lives
And narrate it’s stories to their wives?

It doesn’t seem so yet
Maybe I’ll even forget
What might happen in the next four years
And to something else, say my cheers

Ah, there are a few more!
Of similar tenure
It’s comforting to know
In the same direction, we flow

This place is humungous
Such a big campus
My legs ache from all the walking
And my mouth from all the talking

So many of us are here
no restrictions are near!
We’ve been given so much freedom!
Let’s enjoy to the maximum!

Oh, we have caught their eye
Seniors wait for our reply
To their interactive questions
As we tremble in agitation

They notice our frightened gazes
And the evening then rephrases
Into the start of another friendship
Which will be quite a different trip

“You are at the very start
don’t think too much from the heart
There will be all kinds of times
Collect them like precious dimes”

As the night slowly fell
“Ask us if you ever need help”
They said with such a protective glance
It did our inner strength enhance

That wasn’t as bad as I expected
My positive thoughts then rejected
The other ones that were in my head
I’m going to have fun instead!

Oh, wait, now’s not the time
It would be such a crime
I want to write test-1 well
everything else can go to hell!

Sadly not true at all
Even staring at the wall
Becomes more interesting before a test
Oh please, please give me a rest!

Thank god that’s done!
I can’t bare another one!
Classes lite yaar, let’s chill
Karte hai milkar time kill

Evenings passed in meeting new people
Some were soft, some seemed evil
But now I must truly confess
I wouldn’t settle for any less

This place is great, I must admit
Nothing can compare to it
Young souls roam at a random beat
The world is beneath my feet!

That guy turned out to be a snob
With anger does my head throb
Lite le usko, jaane de
Apne raaste mein na aane de

This department, that club
sab ka induction denge ab
First year on campus, lets explore
There is so much still in store

Dance, music and drama nights
Evenings are such wonderful sights
People out on the roads
Having fun in loads

Mess main kya mil raha hai aaj kal?
ANC mein khate hai, chal!
Yeh kaise hua “All night canteen”
At least till 1 it should have been

Compres are here already?
To the library! let’s study
Sara samay baaton mein bithaya
Likhne exam mein kuch nahi aaya

The semester is done
Am I the only one
Who doesn’t want to go home
Back to being all alone?

But I have a mixed feeling
With which I am dealing
I am both happy and sad
Of having come here I am glad

That was a short vacation
No need for an invitation
Campus, here I come again!
To another semester begin

Oh there’s that cute senior
Though his shave could be cleaner
Now looks like a monkey in appearance
Isn’t his beard a little too dense?

Feels so good to be back
Seems like I’m again on track
Meeting everyone after a month
Oh crap, CG cards on the hunt!

That’s quite a blow
Nothing I didn’t know
The scene is going to be so filmy
Mom and Dad are going to kill me

But lets deal with that later
Now there is no task greater
Than to gear up for Pearl 2k13
Let’s build it like no one’s ever seen!

Arts and D stuff around the clock
The workshop is just around the block
Or should I help with 3D art?
Where the hell do I start!

Ah anywhere is fine
It’s not a crime
I’ll go with the flow
It’s pretty fun you know!

In time extended till 2 o’clock
tick – tock, tick – tock
All my classes are being missed
As I sleep through the morning mist

Afternoons are my wake up call
Let’s hit the juice stall
And then grab “food” at the mess
We do survive, nonetheless

Back to work, come on guys!
This will be such a surprise
For all those who will set their eyes
On our dear enterprise

Achha, it’s her birthday today?
“Hey! Happy Birthday!”
The cake was totally worth going till her room
In seconds which I did consume

The atmosphere is at its best
Forget about all the rest
The fest is going to be a break
From the otherwise gloomy everyday

Here’s the weekend, after so much wait
It’s going to be so great
People from all over will visit
Will anyone dare to miss it?

“Oh, hey! How ya doin’?”
Is it me you’re addressing?
Oh yeah, we were in that course together
But sadly, your name I don’t remember

I hear your friend calling out
He clearly does your name shout
Oh yeah that was it
How could I forget?

“See you around!” we wave and smile
It has been quite a while
Since I had some decent sleep
The rise in activity was pretty steep

Stop thinking about how you tire!
Junkyard Groove and Amplifier
First bands I’ve witnessed playing live
Oh, I feel so alive!

Dude, don’t knock on my door in the morning
This is to you my final warning
My back is broken from the intense weekend
This pain to lessen I do intend

Huh? What day is it?
I’m taken aback a bit
Tests are around the corner
Save me from this disorder!

Now my parents I do miss
Home is such a bliss
Can’t wait to get there this time around
But to this college I am bound

God has a bad sense of humor
So says the recent rumor
Pleasant weather right before any exam
This is such a sham

Okay, let me gear up for this
I cannot this chance miss
to redress my previous performance
Let the preparation commence

Thank god that’s done!
I can’t bare another one!
Classes lite yaar, let’s chill
Karte hai milkar time kill

Let’s hang out at Viceroy
The mess does annoy
Can’t eat that anymore
I will get sick for sure

Tera birthday – treat in Aalankritha
Kuch toh theek khana mila!
Sad to go back to the campus
Please don’t torture our appetite thus!

Let’s attend a few classes
before the semester passes
Don’t want to flunk like before
At 8, knock on my door

It took some perseverance
To attain some clearance
A lot has been taught
Damn, it’s getting hot!

What’s up with the weather?
Clothes feel like hot leather
At least the Acad-Block is air-conditioned
That is a welcome variation

Power cuts at 11 in the night
My haalat has become tight
EG Compre in the morning
And the air is scorching

It’s over now!
Take a bow!
We made it through the year
Into the future we steer

Though the summer vacations have started
With half of myself I have parted
It waits for me back in that place
That I will revisit in the monsoon days